My fellow college football fans, our long national nightmare is over. Tonight, college football returns. It's on. Oh yeah, it's on. It's on like Donkey Kong. It's on like LeBron. Eating a wonton. In Que-Son. On a futon. With Don Juan. As funny man Adam Carolla likes to say...
"Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate: GET IT ON."
As Marvin Gaye sang, "Let's Get it On...". Listen closely, it's fairly clear that he was talking about college football when he sang, "There's nothing wrong, with me loving you..." and "Don't you know, how sweet and wonderful, life can be?"
Tonight kicks off a five day orgy of college football. It might be second only to the first weekend of March Madness in terms of the amount you can consume over a five day period. And thanks to the invention of the DVR, you can load up your hard drive with the games you don't see and still be watching games nightly through the second week of the season. It's truly glorious.
You can begin by seeing if upstart Vanderbilt can wipe that smug grin off of Steve Spurrier's face as the Commodores take on the #9 Gamecocks at 7 pm ET. The over/under on praise for the SEC that you will hear is 2 hours and 55 minutes of the three hour broadcast, so you might want to turn the sound off. Depending on your cable plan, you might also catch week two opponent UCLA as they travel to take on Rice at 7:30 ET. At 10:15 ET, catch the debut of Mike Leach as head coach of Washington State, which is going at BYU. That's more Cougars than you'd see at a Tobi Keith concert (ay-oh!). The Big Ten season begins with Minnesota playing at UNLV at 11 pm ET. Will the Golden Gophers be able to improve on their 1-3 non-conference record from a year ago?
You can pretend to care about Villanova at Temple at 7 ET. Otherwise, at 7:30 ET Tennessee against NC State will be somewhat interesting. At 8 pm ET, Michigan State will have fans from every BCS conference hoping they can hang a loss on Boise State before the Broncos get to the Charmin-y soft 11-game portion of their schedule. You can flip back and forth to catch Carl Pelini's debut at Florida Atlantic against Wagner, if you so choose. The late game has #21 Stanford hosting San Jose State to give you a peek at how much drop off there is for the Cardinal post-Andrew Luck.
You have to wake up early (9 am ET) to see Notre Dame take on Navy in Ireland. In the noon ET hour, you've got a slew of games to watch, three involving ranked teams and three involving Big Ten schools. There's home games for Ohio State (#18), West Virginia (#11), and Georgia (#6). There's also Northwestern at Syracuse and Frank Solich's Ohio team at Penn State in the "Jeez, do we have to be reminded again of the awful things that happened in State College?" Bowl. Of course, visitors to this site shouldn't have to be told that the Huskers host Southern Mississippi at 3:30 ET. So I won't tell you that. You can catch a quick meal or short nap before seeing #14 Clemson travel to Auburn at 7 ET. But the must watch game of the weekend nationally is #8 Michigan against #2 Alabama at 8 pm ET. If you're still able (and the cable man cooperates) you can see how the grand "no-punting" experiment goes for San Diego State at Washington at 10:30 ET.
You get two games today, but that's two more than you get most Sundays. There's Kentucky at #25 Louisville at 3:30 pm ET. There's also SMU at Baylor at 6:30 ET.
The final course of college football is Georgia Tech at #16 Virginia Tech at 8 pm ET on Labor Day. Option football on a Monday night sure feels right.
Such a glorious buffet is reason to celebrate. Too bad this celebration can't last throughout the year.