Big 12 Media Days: Translating "Coach Speak"

4 comments so far July 23, 2007 by Darren K. Carlson

Like more and more Americans, I'm learning to speak a second language. Spanish? Nope, I only remember a how to say a few relatively meaningless sentences from two years of high school Spanish ("My name is Paco." "Word to your mother." Etc.) Is it something useful and kind of cool, like American Sign Language? Sadly, I only speak enough ASL to communicate with my toddler daughter. No, I am learning a much less useful language - Coach Speak.

While I'm just starting to become conversant in this obscure and dense language, I have gotten pretty good at translating it. And, there is no better place to practice than Big 12 Media Days. Reviewing the transcripts of coaches at the microphone has provided the perfect place to hone my Coach Speak skills.

Please follow along as I work on today's translation homework, courtesy of some comments from Nebraska's own Bill Callahan.

On the topic of quarterback competition and when he will name a starter, Coach said:

We have a number of quarterbacks who are going to be competing for the starting role, Sam Keller, Joe Ganz. Another third young man that we didn't have a chance to evaluate, or he didn't have the opportunity to play because of injury this spring, his name is Zac Lee, who is a junior college transfer out of San Francisco Community College. We're fortunate enough to recruit a young man out of Wylie, Texas, by the name of Patrick Witt, a fourth quarterback who came in early as a mid-year transfer from the high school ranks, no less, and did a tremendous job. As well as a fifth quarterback by the name of Beau Davis. We feel we're pretty well stocked at that position.

Translation: I know everyone is clamoring for me to talk about Sam Keller versus Joe Ganz, and that nearly everyone in the media is assuming Keller will be the starter. Duh. So instead, I'll just talk about all five quarterbacks, including a true freshman and a player that everyone knows won't play a lick, just to keep from addressing the topic of a starter. Next question.

On the topic of senior wide receiver Terrence Nunn, and what he means to the team, Coach said:

I remember Terrence asking me, Coach, am I going to play as a freshman? I said, There's no question you'll play as a freshman, because at that time we didn't have any wide receivers that really came from a passing system, per se.

Translation: I was seriously hurting for players at the wide receiver spot before I convinced Terrence to choose NU. I appreciate what he has done here, so much so that I'll admit to telling him he could play right away, even though I know that means I'll have kids looking for similar promises from me from now until the New Year.

On the topic of Missouri being picked by the Big 12 media to win the North Division, if it was a surprise or added motivation for his team. Coach said:

Personally, no, I don't agree with it. But I love our football team and I think they're capable of doing some great things. And I understand how it all works and why people make the decisions and do the things that they do. And motivation -- we've got plenty of motivation with Nevada, you know, in the opening game.

Translation: Seriously? Did you really just ask me that? Of course I don't agree with it. And, I don't think sportswriters know much of anything about football. If they did, they would coach. The only thing worse than sportswriters are the stupid bloggers putting words in my mouth. But, I digress. No, I don't think Missouri will win the North. That's my job. Now, I'll go ahead and talk about our opener and every other team on our schedule just to piss you off.

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