Kansas State Head Coach Changes Name

1 comment so far October 3, 2006 by Darren K. Carlson

What may have started with a shared affinity for the color purple has resulted in strange happenings within Kansas State’s football program. KSU’s head coach, Ron Prince, held a press conference to specify how he likes to be known, or “clarify his identity.” Prince apparently has abandoned his given name and now would like to be referred to only as “Coach Prince”. Though, he stipulated that “the Coach formerly known as Ron” is also acceptable.

KSU’s sports information office also distributed copies of this symbol -- -- which they said may serve as shorthand for Coach Prince in printed and online accounts of Coach Prince or the KSU football team. KSU made technical personnel available to install the macro for typing the symbol on the personal computers used by reporters.

The official statement from the school brings some clarity to Coach Prince’s recent appearance and behavior. Last week he traded his University-supplied Buick Lucerne for a little red Corvette. And he wore a raspberry beret (the kind you find in a second-hand store) to practice on Tuesday. When asked about the origin of the behavior change, Coach Prince replied, "Maybe I'm just like my mother. She's never satisfied."

In football-related news, the Coach formerly known as Ron replaced starting quarterback Dylan Meier with much ballyhooed true freshman Josh Freeman. Given Freeman’s lack of experience and his performance against Baylor (11-for-33 with three interceptions), it seemed like an odd move. But cited meteorological reasons for his being so hot-to-trot for Freeman. “Overcast days never turned me on. But, something about the clouds and Josh mixed. So, I made the change,” he said. Meier apparently felt the change might have been personal to Coach Prince. “He told me several times that he didn’t like my kind, ‘cause I was a bit to leisurely,” said Meier.

There may be more serious psychological reasons behind the coach’s identity clarification and behavior changes. “Often, when somebody experiences massive amounts of failure on either a personal or professional level, they can have a genuine identity crisis. Some attempt to fill that void with a false identity. Apparently Coach Prince is coping by attempting to duplicate a cool but slightly strange pop music legend,” said psychologist Leo Swartzbaum.

Coach Prince described his identity clarification as something that will be good for recruiting. “Prince is an indelible symbol of what is cool. And, I think recruits will respond to that. We’ve got to do something to attract some players other than all of these 2-star nobodies we have so far,” said . When asked for a response, one 4-star rated recruiting prospect said, “Who’s Prince? Oh yeah, I think my Mom has his greatest hits CD.”

The Coach formerly known as Ron also apparently feels a clear identity will help his team refocus on a return to KSU’s football glory days. During the late 1990’s KSU had a streak of four consecutive 11-win seasons. “I tell these kids every day that I want to party like it’s 1999.”

Editors note: Special thanks to Blankman and the folks on the Big Red Board for getting this topic started and creating that very cool symbol. We're just happy to help people get a laugh out of it.

From time to time, the Big Red Network will publish “Onion”-style satire. We apologize in advance to anyone we may offend, it's all meant as harmless fun. We can assure you, the reader, that no animals were harmed in assembling this piece.

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